Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Reclaiming My Space In The Blogosphere

This post has been percolating for a while. I’ve been trying to figure out the best way to do this. While I love and embrace the community aspect of blogging, I also feel that personal blogs are our own personal space. We’re entitled to have them be safe places to write about what we want to write about and not write about what we don’t want to.

I’ve been planning to change the name of this blog for a while (since I’m no longer “ISO”). My original plan was to leave the URL the same and just change the name. Now I’m feeling the need for a fresh space. So my plan is to start a new blog with the same blogger id. I’ll link to it from this one, and leave this one intact and accessible from my profile, but not link back to here from the new one.

What do you all think?

And since I’m asking questions of you, Cali has suggested I put up a ticker. Not sure why I’m reluctant. Jinxy, maybe? Thoughts? Favorite tickers?

The new blog will probably go up late Monday or Tuesday, after my NT scan on Monday afternoon.

Also, I will be in Washington, DC from Thursday afternoon, June 4th until Sunday afternoon, June 7th, if any DC bloggers are available for a meetup. I really need a mental health break, and I have a couple of old friend in the area that I will be getting together with. I really shouldn’t be spending the money on this right now, but it’s a pretty inexpensive getaway from NYC, thanks to Bo1tbus (comfy seats with wifi and electrical outlets) and Price1ine. I’ll have time to restore my savings account. I figure I should take advantage of being done with PIO (just 2 more shots, tonight and tomorrow) and not being huge and unwieldy yet.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Not a “real” blog post, but how can I not update you all.

First of all, thank you for all the kind comments and emails. Each one means a lot to me. Very touching that lurkers showed themselves. I’m trying to catch up on emails.

I will say one (or two) last things about the recent conflict, then I will update you about today’s ultrasound. This pregnancy came about out of love. When I began to consider donor embryos, I really wanted some sort of open relationship. I wanted my child to have the chance to have some kind of relationship with his or her genetic siblings. Kathy offered me her embryos with love in her heart, and I accepted them with love in mine. In my mind, we became a kind of extended family. Really, do any of you know ANY family that doesn’t have some friction sometimes? I love Kathy. Not because of this gift she has given me. I just do. I’m horrified that she’s received death threats against her and her children. WTF!?!?!?! And as for the recent requests she’s received for funding for IVF, it would be funny if it weren’t so obnoxious. I have to say, I find it pretty annoying when I read bloggers whining about not being able to afford ART, then talking about their expensive electronic equipment and the vacations they’re taking. (BTW, as an aside, NONE of the UTERUS recipients solicited their positions. They were nominated and chosen as recipients through the google group that Mel formed for that purpose. Anyone can join that group and be involved in the process.)

Oh, and I am turning on comment moderation. Just because.

Okay. Done.

Now for the updates!

Even though I had my first OB appt 2 weeks ago, I snuck in a last u/s at the RE’s. My next OB appt is on June 1st (NT scan that day, too), there was no way I could stand the anxiety for a full 4 weeks. As Tertia calls it, I needed a “live baby check.”

LOOK!!! A head, a torso and arms and legs!!!! And most importantly, a strong heartbeat.

What a beautiful sight.


Also can’t resist giving you all a Mushy update. Thanks again for the support during that scary time. He’s doing great. Back to his usual self, wrestling with Wilson and chasing his own tail. (I said he was sweet, not smart! Does anyone know why they chase their own tails?) Sunday night I caught them snuggling in a way I’d never seen before. I was able to get the camera out fast enough.



Okay, just a quick pregnancy related question. What worked best for you for reflux? Still no morning sickness, but the reflux is awful. I’ve tried different brands of antacids, but I’m getting very little relief.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Taking a break.

I will be taking a break from posting for a while. It's just too stressful right now. Apparently, because I chose to publicly stay out of a volatile conflict, I am ungrateful and uncaring.

I will be reading blogs and occasionally commenting. If you want to know how I'm doing you can email me at dorasblog at gmail.


To Anonymous in Wisconsin

I could have deleted your comment. I didn’t. I could have turned on comment moderation. I haven’t.

This craziness will only continue if people like you insist on stirring up the shit. The more you stir it, the more it stinks.

You have no idea of what has been discussed behind the scenes.

As for “You don't get to sit this one out because you are pregnant and you don't want to upset the baby”

You know what? I do! I am a nearly 46 year old pregnant woman in my first trimester. This is a high risk pregnancy. You have no idea how stressful all of this has been for me, and the physical toll it has taken. My health and this pregnancy are my first priority. Period. To risk this pregnancy would be to disrespect the enormous gift I have been given.

Friday, May 15, 2009

I’m not exaggerating. Really!

The Mothers Day Fiasco

Some may think it’s odd that I have kept my mother in the dark about my efforts to become a mom. They ask when I’m going to tell her about my pregnancy. Answer: when I absolutely have to. When I tell people that my mother is extremely self centered, they sometimes think I’m exaggerating. Until I give them some details. Well, this past Mothers Day is a prime example.

I did my duty as a daughter and sent my mother a lovely gift that arrived a few days before the holiday. She really liked it. No surprise. I’m very good at choosing gifts for people. Sunday morning I called her to wish her a happy Mothers Day. All good. No conflict yet. Until Sunday evening, when I received a forwarded email from her.

Here is the content of the email:

Awesome Mom
Once you have been hit, you have to hit 5 awesome Moms..

Including the one who thought of YOU today and sent it to YOU...

If you get hit again, You will know you are Really awesome!

So hit 5 awesome moms on your friends list to let them know they are awesome!

Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not
my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind
and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child
so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night
watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt.!
I never knew that something so small
could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom,
I didn't know the feeling of
having my heart outside my body..
I didn't know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond
between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
the joy,
the love,
the heartache,
the wonderment
or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,
before I was a Mom .

Send this to someone who you think is an awesome Mom.


My mother and her husband share an email address. He can be a complete idiot, so thinking that maybe he stupidly forwarded it, I gave her the benefit of the doubt and called her.

Me: Did you just forward a Mothers Day email to me?

Mom: (Sounding immediately defensive) What do you mean? I don’t know what you mean.

Me: An email about Mothers Day. Did you forward it to me?

Mom: I’m not sure. I don’t know.

Me: Well, go take a look at it, because it was completely inappropriate to send to me.

I hang up the phone. She calls back a few minutes later.

Mom: I think I meant to send it to someone else.

Me: Do you see how inappropriate that was to send to me?

Mom: (Huffy) I stand corrected. (Then proceeds to change the subject and asks about the cat.)

I hang up the phone again. I then replied to the email, saying: "I stand corrected." is NOT EVEN REMOTELY AN APOLOGY. I have not heard from her since.

The following is an email exchange with my BFF after I told her what happened and sent her the email so she could read it.

BFF: Your mom is really sick. And it says over and over - "to Moms' she is really sick. Thank god you haven't told her anything. Maybe you can avoid it and see how long you get until she figures it out? When the baby is one or two!

I'm only half kidding on the waiting to tell her!

Me: How about you call her when I go into labor!

BFF: Or we could just mail her the Shower invite to Louise's! (Louise is my BFF’s foster mom, who is wonderful, has a fabulous home for parties, and has known me since I was a teenager.)

Me: Ugh! Does she have to come? Maybe we could mail it late so it arrives the day after the shower.

BFF: That would be a pretty funny way to tell her about it! Think on it....


Thursday, May 14, 2009

Quick Update

Sorry about the deleted post. Everyone's fine, it's just been a difficult few days. Will post properly soon. I still have to tell you all about the Mothers Day fiasco. My mother is INCREDIBLE! And I don't mean that in a good way!

Also, I think it may be time for a blog title change. A little scary, but I'm really no longer In Search Of.

Quick update on Mushy: poor guy came home from the vet's with a cold. He's snuffling and sneezing, and sleeping a lot. So still not back to his old self. Vet suggested an extra week of antibiotics. I'm pampering him with stinky wet food (so he can smell it through his stuffy nose) and taking him in the bathroom and running hot showers to help his widdle sinuses drain. Hoping the other cat doesn't catch it.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Mushy Update

He's coming home today!! The vets were never able to really pinpoint why he was so sick. His bloodwork was normal, except for a low white cell count. He had a fever on Wednesday. When I went to see him Wednesday, he was absolutely miserable. Didn't really care that I was there. Just wanted to curl up in the corner of the cage and be left alone. They were giving him iv fluids and antibiotics. The x-rays of his bowels didn't show an obstruction, but they were still not ruling it out, even though he'd pooped after being hydrated. They gave the poor kitty an enema, too! They suspected it might be pancreatitis, but there isn't any diagnostic test for it, or any real treatment. He'd just have to ride it out. Or, the vet said it could have been a bowel infection and the antibiotics are knocking it out.

Wednesday night they gave him some pain meds, and by yesterday morning he seemed much better. Still not eating, but rubbing up against the cage door, demanding attention. That's my boy! I went to see him again after work. He looked so much better. He ate a little while I was there and snuggled with me a lot. He was really annoyed by the iv in his paw, and the constant crying of another cat must have been upsetting to him.

When I spoke to the vet this morning, he said he was doing much better, but still only eating a little. But the vet thinks he might do better at home now. I think so, too. So I'll pick him up on my way home from work. I'm a little nervous about what the final bill will be, but I'm relieved he didn't need surgery.

Thanks for all the good wishes.