Wednesday, April 15, 2009

For Aunt K

Angrycanrn and I have been signing emails to each other with “Aunt” for months now. Honorary Aunt is the type of relationship we anticipate with each other’s children. These terms of affection are just a little something extra in our communications with each other.

I keep thinking about how I can possibly acknowledge the magnitude of her gift to me. Mostly, my thoughts keep returning to her faith in me. Her faith in trusting me with her husband’s DNA, with her children’s full genetic siblings. These embryos are a part of her husband’s legacy. The legacy of someone who left this world too soon. More precious than I can possibly express.

I want to give back to her. We have discussed a possibility, but it’s too soon to really plan that. But I want to honor her gift and her husband.

I was raised Jewish, but not religious. Yet there are customs and traditions that are deeply ingrained. One is Jewish baby naming customs. Ashkenazi Jews (Jews of Eastern European descent) name their children for deceased family members. It would feel beyond strange to me to name my child for someone still living. We honor the deceased relative by using either their name or choosing a name with the same first initial as the deceased family member. My niece, Julie Diana, was named for both her great grandmothers, Julia and Dora. I have long been planning to name my child for my father, Stanley, who died when I was 17, but I now want to also give my child an “M” name for Aunt K’s husband, Mark. I’m not revealing my name choices, but boy or girl, there will be an “S” and there will be an “M.” I’m also leaning towards 2 middle names for a girl, to add in a “J” name for my friend’s father. I’m referring to my friend who donated his sperm during my attempts to get pregnant with my own eggs. His attempts to help me create my family brought us closer, and even though it didn’t work, we are family. (And I really like the way the “J” name sounds with the first name!)

It warms my heart to think of naming my child to honor Mark. I hope it warms Aunt K’s heart, too. He lives on in our children.

18 comments:

Kristin said...

What a wonderful way to honor those you love.

BTW, did you get my email?

Cassandra said...

It not only honors Mark, but it ties the baby to his/her genetic father. Just as I've seen some adoptive parents give their child a name that ties them to their birthmother. It's a gift for both sides.

We've had family-honoring names picked out for years, and part of not wanting to get lapped by my sister-in-law in the babymaking department is not wanting her to bogart the relatives' names. I called dibs!

Billy said...

I agree with Kirstin - it is so sweet and lovely of you to immortalize both Angrycanrn's late husband and the father of your friend in your child's name.

Another Dreamer said...

Beautiful post hun. That would be a wonderful honor.

Andrea said...

I think that's an awesome way to honor Mark! You rock!

Cara said...

Wow! When your son or daughter is ready to hear the 'how their name was picked' story it will be so important and heartfelt!

Emmy said...

What a great way to honor them. Very sweet.

angrycanrn said...

Thank you.

Totally not necessary, but very touching.

Thank you

Aunt K.

Kristin said...

Ummm...the email is still not here. I am officially confused. Are you just responding to my emails?

WiseGuy said...

Wonderful Dora!


What a great honour! And you are so blessed to have each other in your lives.

battynurse said...

That is a great way to honor someone.

Shinejil said...

That's incredibly sweet, Dora. Names are very important and should carry weight and meaning.

Michelle said...

That IS such a Wonderful way to honor them! You are so great!

Kami said...

Wow. What a wonderful, beautiful way to honor someone - especially the genetic father of your child(ren). Sometimes I am in awe of the IF community.

Beautiful Mess said...

That's very sweet! I love the idea!

Joni said...

I love that idea too.

WiseGuy said...

What's happening Dora? Be good!


*ICLW*

ambivalent said...

dora...where've you been missy? Hope all is well!!!!