Elf update

Did you watch? DD was the tall elf in green, wearing shades. I hope he told Santa what we want!!!

Donor Daddy on TV tomorrow (correction!)

If you turn on the M@cy's Thanksgiving parade for the last few minutes tomorrow you will see DD, in his 6'3" tall elfin splendor, driving Santa's sleigh. DD's partner creates hair pieces (beards, etc.) and wigs for theater. He is also in charge of Santa's hair and beard for the parade. (Oops, correction, kiddies. Of course that's Santa's real hair and beard!!) So for years now the two of them have donned the elf suits and steered the reindeer.

This kid better be good! Daddy knows Santa!

From past parades

Requesting embie mojo for a friend

Hey, internets! A friend (not a blogger) could use your good thoughts and energy.

She went in yesterday for a day 3 transfer of her lone embie and was told it was only 4 cells. Their policy is not to transfer anything under 6 cells on day 3. They are now waiting to see if it goes to blast by day 6. They theorize that if it doesn't culture to blast, it wouldn't be viable in the uterus, thereby saving the cost of the transfer and the agony of a 2ww.

So, if you could please send your growing vibes to this little embryo, it would be greatly appreciated. L will be a great mom!

Thanks!

Foot update and questions

Well, it looks like it's just tendonitis. But still, it hurts!!

I called my podiatrist first thing yesterday morning and said it was an emergency. The receptionist told me there was an opening on Friday! WTF?? What part of emergency don't you understand? After some back and forth without a resolution, I told her they'd lost a patient.

Wound up at a walk-in clinic. I waited almost 3 hours to be seen, only to be told it was just tendonitis. The dr said that because of the location of the pain (on the side, towards the top of the foot), the only way to fracture a bone there would be to drop something on it. Which is not what happened.

I have an acupuncture appt after work today for some implantation needling. I'll have her work on the foot as well.

Got a referral for a new podiatrist. I will see him tomorrow, just to confirm the diagnosis.

My questions:

1. How soon after a 3 day transfer can I POAS? I was thinking 7, which would be next Sunday.

2. What's your favorite brand of pee stick? I have 2 at home. A Wa1greens generic ept and a 1st resp0nse. 2 isn't enough!

Thank you all for the good wishes and support!

For those of you that didn't get the movie reference in my Show & Tell post.

My favorite scene from one of my favorite movies, This is Spinal Tap.

Oh, man! This I don't need!

It's nearly 3am as I start this post. Can't sleep and my foot is killing me.

I'm really afraid I may have broken a bone in there. It started on my way to work on Friday. I just took a step that didn't feel right and it started hurting. I have tendonitis in that foot from my flat feet, but that has improved a lot since I got orthotics in August. This pain is close to where the tendonitis is (side of foot on the inside), but a little higher and further back. It has been steadily getting worse, and today has been awful. I'm really limping badly. I've spent most of the day lounging in bed after my transfer this morning, and have had a cold pack on it on and off. Now it's just constantly hurting, and the pain is starting to radiate. It's not swollen. Walking on it is really bad, but it hurts just lying in bed. Tried wrapping it in an ace bandage. Didn't help.

I really don't need this right now. I just want to make a nice calm home for my embryo. Obviously, I can't get an x-ray, but does anyone know if they can see a break on an ultrasound?

Oh, yeah, to add to my pissiness I bought an electric blanket from Sm@rt B@rgain$ last month. I tested it shortly after I received it, and it worked. But it hasn't been cold enough to use it until tonight. (I'm usually fine with my duvet.) Well, now it's not working. I just checked the website's return policy, and thankfully I have 30 days from when I received it, not from order date. So I have a few more days. Of course they are sold out of the one I purchased (although I'm not sure I'd trust the same brand (Be@utirest)). The only one thet have in stock now is $25 more, and doesn't give a brand name. I know, it's just a little thing, but I'm hormonal and pissy and just want some peacefulness.

Anyone know if vag progesterone makes you cranky? Grrrrrrr!!

Should I just consider this sleeplessness practice for motherhood?

Mel’s Show & Tell — Our embie goes to 11!

Anyone get the film reference in the title?

Well, we transferred an 11 cell, grade b/c day 3 embryo today. That my little lone embie grew to 11 cells makes me feel somewhat hopeful. From everything I've read/heard 8 cells on day 3 is considered very good. Let's hope this is the little embie that could!

Donor Daddy couldn't make it today, so a good friend came with me. "Aunt M" was great! Didn't get a picture of the embryo for Show & Tell, but got a fun shot of Aunt M (face blurred for anonymity) in her coveralls and cap.


Grow little embie! Dig in deep in the nice lining mommy grew for you.

Take a look at what the rest of the class is showing this week.

Houston, we have cell division. Day 1 and counting down.

One egg has fertilized. I'm scheduled for transfer Sunday morning. All I can do is hope that our little embryo is looking good then.

Thank you all so much for all the good wishes and support. It really helps. I know you’ll all be there during the dreaded two week wait. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

BTW, Donor Daddy has expressed a wish to comment here. Go ahead! I'm sure my readers will be interested and welcoming. :-)

Two

Left home at the crack of dawn. A few flurries in the air. Easy subway ride at that hour. Busy, but not crowded, and no delays. Called Donor Daddy when I got out of the subway. We arrived at the clinics building at the same time, so walked in together like the couple we're pretending to be. We rode up the elevator with the receptionist, so I was the first retrieval of the day. DD had to sign and initial the hundred or so spots on the consent forms. The consent forms for freezing seemed silly for us. Even if I had a ton of follies, and made a ton of embies, at my age everything would be transferred. I really think the only chance for me to wind up with multiples with my own crusty eggs would be if one split. (Yikes! For some reason, the idea of identicals freaks me out.)

I was taken back for retrieval and DD was taken to do his thing. As I'm changing into the gown, he called me twice with questions while filling out yet another form. (He couldn't remember what year I was born. My birthday he remembers because it's his parents' wedding anniversary.) "Hey, I'm trying to get naked here!"

Retrieval was uneventful. We got 2 eggs. All I can do now is hope for a good fertilization report tomorrow. Then, hopefully, we have something to transfer on Sunday. Waiting around in recovery was just boring. No problems afterwards. DD got me some food to bring home and put me in a taxi.

So, for the rest of the day I ate, napped and snuggled my kitties. Some pain, but no big deal. Peeing a lot, despite eating salty foods to draw the fluid from the empty follies. (Thanks to the internets for that tip.) Maybe my swollen ovary is pressing on my bladder.

So, overall, okay. I wish we'd gotten more, but my poor old ovaries did their best.

I'm so excited! A dr is going to poke me in the vagina with a big needle!

Ya like the title?

Retrieval Thursday!!! For those of you keeping track, I have a 22.5, 18.5, 16 and 13! Lining, nice and stripey. I shot up my last dose of stims at the clinic after my u/s. (Thanks to L for telling me to bring them!) Trigger shot tonight. A little nervous about that, but I know I can do it.

This is such a rollercoaster! I was feeling so down and sorry for myself last night. I started writing a pathetic, whiney post on my itouch riding the subway home last night. Then when I got home there was a big box in front of my door. Turned out to be a lot of packaging for small items. LUCKY IVF SOCKS!! Sent to me by a sweet wannabe SMC blogger. (Hint: her retrieval is Thursday, too!!) Since I need to do laundry and am very low on clean socks, I wore them for my monitoring this morning. They worked!!

In case anyone's interested, here's the whine I wrote last night. I feel better now.

This just sucks! Sucks bad. I know it's the massive dose of hormones, but right now I'm so down. Even if every egg I'm cooking fertilizes, the chances of any of them being genetically normal is so slim.

Okay, some of this is aggravated by an incident with my boss. He gave me something to work on last week that I'm just not good at. Then when the requester didn't like it, he got very anxious and uptight. I need this job. The economy sucks, but I feel too crappy to kiss ass.

Then after work I went to the podiatrist and got a cortisone shot in my heel for planter fasciitis. Fucking hurt like hell! The dr kindly told me it was okay to scream, since I was the last patient of the day. Damn, stims and ganire1ex will be a breeze tonight.

Tonight for some reason I feel particularly alone.

Then I came home to a totally cool present and kitties who love me. And I have my internets rooting for me!

22-14.5-13

And a newbie under 10. Lining, a plump 8.5.

Back again tomorrow morning. These were not the numbers I thought I heard, but I called with a question and this is what they read off. Oh, and the nurse who took down the numbers wrote down the wrong side.

So, if the little ones don't catch up, we'll sacrifice the dominant follie and stim the 2 smaller ones for an IUI. I WANT A RETRIEVAL! My clinic is adamant about not going to retrieval without 3 good sized follies. Some top clinics in NY want 4.

Oh, well. Another restless night and early morning stick and wanding. Joy.

Mel's Show and Tell — Furry Edition

There seems to be a trend toward showing off our furry family members this week. Since everyone enjoyed the picture of the Mushter I posted the other day, I thought I'd post more of my lolcats.

Wilson and Mushy love to play.

Wilson makes me late for work.
Awww, cuddle for 5 more minutes!

Don't forget to check what the rest of the class is showing this week.

Righty's hanging tough

Woo hoo! I have 3 follicles! Two are small, but big enough to count. Continuing stims and another check on Monday. Today was the shortest wait for morning monitoring I've ever had. Got my favorite monitoring RE, too. All in all, except for the rain, not a bad morning.

Came home and found a package in front of my door. It was a wonderful good luck charm from another blogger.

I'm single, alone on a Saturday night, but life is okay. I'm growing follies and I am getting closer to making it to retrieval.

Pay it Forward Fridays — Roundup edition

This week’s PIF post is all over the place. A miscellaneous PIF roundup.

First of all, although the U.T.E.R.U.S. Brigade fundraiser has reached its goal, there are more donated items that will give us a head start for the next recipient(s). There are some great items listed in the U.T.E.R.U.S. Brigade eBay auctions, and some lovely things still available in the U.T.E.R.U.S. Etsy shop. I would like to draw your attention to the jewelry I donated that is listed for auction. There are some really beautiful bracelets that I debated whether to donate or not, but I just haven’t worn them in so long. Better for them to have a new home, and be worn and enjoyed. And for such an awesome cause! Start a bidding war!!

Also, regarding the U.T.E.R.U.S. fundraising efforts I want to repost the note from our recipient Mary that Mel posted on LFCA.

A Note to Everyone From Mary:
"What are the right words to say to let a group of people you have never met know that you will be forever grateful to them? How do you let them know that their kindness has touched your broken heart and helped it start to heal? That your dear darling husband feels like some of his faith in human kindness has been restored after it seemed like God Himself was conspiring against us? Thank you just doesn’t seem like enough. But, I don’t have the right words to express the depth of my feelings. I am not a blogger, I am not an eloquent writer. I am just a humble infertile woman who was brought to tears by the wonderful act of kindness bestowed on her. And my life will be forever changed because of your kindness. Thank you doesn’t seem like enough, but it is all I have and it is heartfelt.
With love,~Mary"

Mary, you are so welcome. It’s a gift to us as well. It’s a wonderful thing to be able to make a difference in someone’s life.

Next, I’d like to showcase some terrific organizations that are paying it forward.

Matt Logelin is partnering with a fantastic organization called My Stuff Bags Foundation. Matt and Madeline have received so many generous gifts that it feels right to spread the generosity.

From Matt’s blog regarding My Stuff Bags mission: “my stuff bags foundation is a non-profit organization that provides abused, abandoned, and neglected children—ranging in age from newborn to 18 years old—throughout the united states with personal belongings to help fulfill their needs and lend a sense of comfort as they are shepherded through the foster care system. using the online gift registry, charitable givers can purchase essential items like clothing, books, art supplies, and toys, which will be forwarded on to the my stuff bags foundation.”

I am also including this link to a post by Matt about an incredible one-on-one PIF experience Matt had when he stopped by Liz’s OB’s office to show off how Maddy had grown since she delivered her. Warning, there’s a whole lot of Maddy cuteness to scroll through to get to the story.

Nunn the Wiser started a great project for the holiday season. She wrote: "I am doing a holiday project this year to come up with nice presents, including preemie clothes, for the parents at my local hospital (where Henry was born) who have preemies in the NICU or SBCU over the holidays.” Click here for more details.

What a wonderful idea! I was a four pound preemie myself. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for my 22 year old mother to leave me behind in the hospital. No kangaroo care way back in the olden days.

One more: Last night I got an email from an organization I donated to last year around the holidays. From their website: “Band of Parents are parents of children diagnosed with a cancer called neuroblastoma who want to help further the research and drug development desperately needed to save more children. Neuroblastoma is an “orphan” cancer; pharmaceutical companies are not developing new treatments because there is not a large enough patient base to make development profitable. Funding from the government is similarly limited. Time is running out for many of our children -- money stands between them and a cure.”

Can you imagine the anguish of being told your child has a rare form of cancer and that no research is being done because it’s so rare? Beyond horrible! The stuff of nightmares! Band of Parents is holding their second annual online bake sale to raise funds and awareness. I can say from personal experience that Liam's Lemon Sugar Cookies are yummy! Buy some cookies, help some children!

Lastly, on a personal note, yesterday I played IVF yenta and helped two people. I introduced two people via email, one who needed help and one who wanted to pay it forward. I think all three of us feel warm and fuzzy about it!

PAY IT FORWARD ROCKS!

IVF lolcat

If you read this post you'll understand how thrilled I am to have g0na1-f pens instead of vials to mix up.

This is my cat, Mushy. That's his name because he is such a mush. He loves everyone! He will love a baby.

I'm cooking something!

Went in for my follie check this morning after 5 days of stims. I have ONE follicle measuring 15. And one small one under 10. I know it's not great, but it's better than last time when I had zero response after 7 days. I start ganire1ix tonight. I've never gotten this far before. I'll go in Saturday and hopefully more will be happening. If not, I'll be converted to an IUI. I know most women going through IVF would be upset about one decent follicle, but I'm just relieved that I'm responding at all. This cycle is about closure more than anything. I would be thrilled to get to retrieval and make some embies, but I'll deal with just getting some swimmers near my old egg. All I can do is hope that my pretty follie holds that 1 out of 10 normal egg.

THANK YOU

to everyone who commented on my last post. Your support means a lot!

I would love it if hetero, married infertiles questioned their clinics about this kind of discrimination, but I know how hard it is to deal with anything but your cycle when at the clinic.

BTW, regarding discrimination, I found out about the protests in New York about the passage of Prop 8 when I got home from work yesterday. If I had known, I would have gone. If this cycle works I may someday have to explain to my child why mommy (who doesn't have a partner) is legally allowed to be married, but daddy (who's been with his partner for nearly 15 years) can't. Enough already! You love who you love. Period.

Congratulations to the same sex newlyweds and soon to be newlyweds in Connecticut. Rock on nutmeg state!

Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves

Warning: There is angry swearing in this post!

I had some alternative titles for this post:

Discrimination sucks ASS!

Pundits are right, there ARE two Americas!

Oh, no they didn’t!

Fucking IDIOTS!

STUPID, STUPID, STUPID! WRONG, VERY FUCKING WRONG!

How DARE they!

I chose to be more positive with my title. Thanks, Aretha and Annie!

I called my friend’s clinic yesterday to set up a phone consult about the embryo donation. (I refer to her as my friend, because that’s what feels right. This has become more than a donor/recipient relationship.) I was told by the receptionist that the clinic only treats married couples. I was stunned, then enraged!

I suppose I’m spoiled with regard to experiencing discrimination. I’m a Jew living in a city where I am not a minority. I went to school (ALL my school years) with people of just about every skin tone, religion and nationality imaginable. I live in a community like that. I was even in a wedding party with a gay man who’s a drag performer. (While I won’t say he was the prettiest bridesmaid, he had the best legs!) This experience with the clinic blindsided me.

According to the CDC, about 16% of fertility clinics in the US will not treat single women. I consulted with 4 New York City clinics before deciding where to cycle. I was NEVER asked my marital status. I was asked if I had a partner, so they would know what steps to take to get me pregnant. I.e., is there a partner who needs to be tested, or would I be using donor sperm.

Insurance companies discriminate in terms of providing treatment to the “sperm challenged” by insisting that a woman tries on her own for a certain number of cycles. Should single heteros and lesbian start hitting bars? Not exactly a medically sound idea. Jo lives in a state that mandates insurance companies to pay for fertility treatments, but only for married couples. Single women must pay out of pocket. ART treatments are already discriminatory due to cost. You either need to have insurance coverage, have the means to pay out of pocket, or be willing to go into debt.

Of course, you know that a child conceived by a married couple will be raised in a stable two parent home. Yeah, right!

I might have a two parent home someday, but so what?

Does your clinic discriminate against singles and same sex couples? Were you asked your marital status? Did you have to prove it? I would love it if my readers questioned their clinics about this. If they do discriminate, ask them if they treat women of color. Of course they will say they would not discriminate based on skin color. How is this different? If a doctor has a moral issue with helping singles and same sex couples become pregnant, they should not specialize in reproductive endocrinology. Go into dermatology.

I think we will probably move the embryos to another clinic. Honestly, I really would rather not have these narrow minded people up in my crotch.

Addendum to yesterdays post

I was on the subway this morning on my way to work, sitting next to someone reading the New York Times, and spotted this article.

Veterans’ Families Seek Aid for Caregiver Role

I am, once again, grateful for the events of last Tuesday.

We must do better. We will do better.

As Cara said, I think it's become my mantra. YES WE CAN!

Veterans Day 2008 — Yes we can!

I work in midtown Manhattan, on Fifth Avenue. I just went out to pick up some lunch and watched a little of the Veterans Day parade go by. I felt overwhelmed with gratitude for our President-Elect.

Yes we can bring our soldiers home to their loved ones.

Yes we can do a better job of supporting our military families.

Yes we can provide top notch healthcare to all vets and their families, but particularly to the returning wounded.

I know there’s much more, but that’s just off the top of my hormone addled head.

After I brought my lunch back to my desk, I grabbed my camera and went back downstairs.

Love this one. Here's a close up.

Mel’s Show and Tell — Consolation Prizes

Late for class, but wanted to add to the cool Show & Tell posts this week.

When my first IVF cycle was cancelled in June I decided to finally get the tattoo I’d been thinking about for a few years. I was hoping an illustrator friend of mine would do a drawing for me, but she was preparing for a show, so was too busy. I emailed my tattoo artist with some images, then called and set up an appointment. (Side note: I’ve known my tattoo artist since he was 10 years old. I dated his older brother when I was a teenager. Can’t help it, I still think of him as the nosy kid who’d poke his head in big bro’s room and ask, “What are you doing?”) He had a drawing ready for me, but I made him rework it a couple of times until I was satisfied. I LOVE IT!

Lots of nebulous reasons for the imagery. The Dickinson poem I quoted in this post sums it up pretty well. Also, this lyric from my favorite Jonathan Larson song:

Cages or wings
Which do you prefer?
Ask the birds
Fear or love, baby?
Don't say the answer
Actions speak louder than words

Click here to hear a sound clip (#12).

My hair almost always covers this tat. It’s sort of my little secret.

Second cancelled cycle I bought this from a cool Etsy seller.

I decided when I bought him that he would be a Pay it Forward Fuck Bunny. I’m not quite ready to give him up yet, but when I am (when I have my “take home baby”?), I’m sure I can find a good home for him within our community. I’m thinking this should be a self nominating prize.

Cancelled cycle number 3. I love Etsy! I found this wonderful jeweler who does custom orders. She made me this beautiful ring. (Sorry the photos aren’t better.)

The ring arrived the day I started stims for number 4. Cycle 4 was cancelled after 7 days of stims due to lack of response.

This time I was done with consolation prizes.

Cycle 5, cysts again.

Now here we are at cycle 6. The last hurrah for my poor beleaguered ovaries. As I’ve mentioned, the plan this time is to continue stims regardless of my response. If I don’t get at least 3 follies, we will do an IUI.

I’m not expecting a miracle. I think I’ve already gotten my share of miracles from my embie donor. Our connection and the feelings we have for each other feels damn miraculous! It’s a strange thing to think that my child is probably already conceived. He or she is waiting to come to me. I can’t wait to meet this wonderful little person!