Saturday, March 7, 2009

Officially Not Pregnant — It's Gonna Take a Village (*edited with extra info added*)

No surprise. Actually yesterday wasn't as bad a day as it could have been. But I did wind up with a migraine, sleeping away a good chunk of the day. So no energy to post. Did you read the comments on my last post? So many people who want to actively help me get pregnant. It will happen. Sometimes embies just don't stick. I'm just going to have faith that that's what happened this time. My lining looked fabulous, I had an SHG before this cycle, so I know my uterus looks like a hospitable place for a good, long stay, I've had extra blood work done to check for any immune or clotting issues. There appears to be no reason I can't get pregnant and stay pregnant.

Regarding Angrycanrn's incredibly generous offer to help me do an egg donor cycle, I'm not physically or emotionally there yet. Emotionally, I'm really attached to these possible little redheads. While I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that she wants me to have the best odds possible, I have a hard time believing that there isn't a healthy baby in this proven batch of embryos created with a fertile 23 year old's eggs. Out of 10 embies, I believe there will be a baby. I believe I will be mommy to J and E's little sib. (Please let him or her have E's temperment!! Angrycanrn will have to explain that!) (*ETA* Even though the assholes in MI froze them randomly, their SART stats are very good for donor egg FETs. Also, even though they didn't stick, that the thaw on these last 3 went well is also a good sign.) Physically, I think I have lupron PTSD. I was talking to someone the other day who described it as feeling like having the flu. That's pretty accurate. And the migraines were awful. Full blown, scary aura and all. I'm having a hard time just thinking about shooting up lupron again. I start feeling anxious at the thought. So we are going to try a non-lupron FET protocol this time.

I haven't gotten the full info from the RE yet (maybe some of you who've done this kind of cycle could share? Cali?), but I'll go in on day 2 to my local clinic and then start high doses of estrogen. I'm assuming I'll need a bit more monitoring with this protocol than with the suppression protocol. The RE said we could add an antagon (i.e., ganre1ix) if it looked like I was going to ovulate too soon. Does anyone know, do the high doses of E2 generally prevent early ovulation. With this kind of cycle, I probably will have to wait until pretty much the last minute to buy the plane tickets and request the time off from work, but if it means I can avoid lupron, that's fine. I have heard that some clinics are getting higher FET success rates with this protocol.

OH, MY!! Did you read the response to my last post from Tessa??? It's obvious why I love her and her daughters so much. And her daughter's offer!!!! WOW! I read this when I got up yesterday to go in for what I knew would be a negative beta. I started crying when I read this. Thank you so much, sweetie. That you would think to be so generous says everything about your heart! And I'm pleased that I could indirectly give Tessa a moment of sweetness with her teenager. I hear sweet moments can be few and far between with teenagers. Ah, all part of the package, along with poopy diapers and projectile vomiting.

A pair of awesome women. Tessa and her daughter.
Aren't they and Claire a great excuse to visit Europe?

Sorry I haven't been a good commenter lately. Hopefully, I'll have amazing energy when hopped up on just lots of estrogen. Hmmm, some personal toys might get a good workout. (Note to self: AA and AAA)

20 comments:

Kristin said...

Dora...I truly have faith that you will be a mommy one day (hopefully very soon). You have so much love to give.

Andrea said...

LMAO @ AA and AAA! Sounds like a good time!! I'm so glad you're doing okay. This new protocol sounds very promising!

Another Dreamer said...

I'm truly sorry this cycle did not work out.

I hope the next try is the one.

Good luck!

Pepper said...

I too believe that your future child(ren) are amongth those ten embabies so I like your attitude. Onward!

Miss Conception said...

I am proof that you can have one negative cycle, then a positive one from the same batch of donor embryos. It WILL happen for you, for sure.
Hugs to you.

calliope said...

Totally clapping my hands and believing in embies!
Here is a link to the start of my FET blogging. This post has a lot of been there, done that input. It was actually a LOT more mellow than any cycle I have had.
http://creatingmotherhood.com/2008/06/19/the-abcs-of-fets/

Michelle said...

Dora, I am so sorry it did not work for you this time. I know it will. I know you were meant to be a mother. You are such an awesome and beautiful person and someday soon your dream WILL come true. You will have a baby. I am rooting for you every day. Sending you lots of hugs!!!

battynurse said...

Hang in there. I'm so sorry this cycle didn't work. I hope you are feeling much better. Hugs to you.

Billy said...

I'm sorry it didn't work out.

Must say I love your attitude! Your child will definitely come from this batch!
Hope this cycle will not only bring your baby, but will also be an easier one without all these migraines lupron causes.

Phoebe said...

I'm sorry that this cycle did not work out. Your stories about Lupron have me a bit concerned. Now I'm wishing I had researched this before, but no turning back now. You've got a lot of support and love going for you!

Geohde said...

I am so sorry about the BFN. I continue to cheer you on.

J

Mo and Will said...

Oh Dora, I am so sorry that this one wasn't the one. But I am completely confident that you will be a mother, and a damn good one at that.

Sending you hugs and fervent good thoughts. email me when you're ready for some company.

Mo

Meg said...

Sweetie, I'm so sorry this wasn't the cycle. The timing of the next cycle puts you on track for an extra special gift in December or maybe even a baby New Year of your very own.

Kymberli said...

There's so much love here. I'll be here more as you keep working towards your family.

The Steadfast Warrior said...

I was so trying to hold on to hope for this cycle. I truly admire your optimism and determination. Hopefully this next cycle will prove the winner.

I am always awed at the amazing people who enter our lives. They can do so much for us even when they're not doing anything but standing beside us. You have some great people looking out for you. I know that that will carry you farther than you ever thought possible.

Joni said...

Dora, I'm so sorry this didn't work. THIS time. But it will soon.

Stock up on the batteries...

Heather said...

Dora, I'm so sorry this cycle didn't work...I have faith (for both of us!) that great things are still in store. How wonderful that you've been so blessed by such amazing people along the way!! Hang in there!!

Cara said...

Oh Dora - the big fat I'm sorry is coming your way. I feel so badly that I haven't been able to comment regularly on your posts in your time of finding out.

I know..I know...travelling and spotty connections - but still - I just miss you.

I'll catch up in total when I get home - or here if I get stranded by Tornado watches!!

xoxox and BIG HUGS!!

decemberbaby said...

AA and AAA. Well said. And don't forget that it's purim... an excuse to drink if ever there was one.

I Believe in Miracles said...

I'm so sorry to hear the results of this cycle. Sad news. I'm hopeful though that it WILL happen.
~~HUGS~~