Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Emotional eating

Chocolate is my drug of choice. Food in general, actually. Discussing my eating habits with my acupuncturist a while back, I quipped about the sedative effect of carbs. I wasn't really kidding.

I had my first RE appt in January. I did okay for the first few months of the year, what with getting all my testing done, having my BIG uterine polyp removed, breaking up with boyfriend, asking old gay friend to be my baby daddy, switching clinics twice. I actually lost some weight before being ready to cycle in June. Then that first cycle got cancelled. All bets were off. I haven't been on a scale since. I tell myself I won't get on the scale until an OB makes me. So there!
I feel like a blob.

I bagged on a social event hosted by my BFF this evening. I'm sure there were plenty of people there that I know and like and don't get to see often. But I just wasn't feeling strong enough to brush off the stupid or insensitive comments. Like this one in an email from a friend after I emailed her about my negative beta. "I know you've tried everything and probably acupuncture too, but that's how my one friend had hers at 'our age'." Ummm, yeah. Right.

I also didn't want to go because I feel fat and blobby.

I have an appointment to have my hair highlighted on Saturday. It's very expensive, but Larry is worth it. When he's done with me, I do not look like I've had my hair highlighted. I do not look processed. My hair looks sunkissed. Upon my request, he paints on highlights so subtly that I don't need to come back for touch ups. It grows out naturally. For the last 2 years I've gone once a year, in the Spring. I think I need a little Spring now. Thank goodness for Larry.

18 comments:

InfertileMadWoman said...

AWWWW sweetie, I am so sorry.... here is a huge internet hug from my heart to yours!!!

Niki said...

Dear Dora, I know all about emotional eating! Four years of infertility has left me with 15 extra pounds! I'm also sorry that people say the worst things to us. ((HUGS)) and best wishes with Larry! I want to see a pic when you're done! :)

Michelle said...

I am with you on this. Bring on the chocolate!! I know it is so hard but getting your hair done is always a good pick me up. I did this after my last mc and it felt good! I am with Nikki I want to see pics. ((HUGS))

Kristin said...

Lots and lots and lots of {{{HUGS}}}. I have faith that you will be a mommy one day.

Nikki said...

I love highlights! Have fun at Larry's! Yes, we all want to see pictures!

WiseGuy said...

Well, chocolate is my fix too. Bring on the darker one and I can kiss the hand that brought the chocolate for me. Go get the highlights and even throw in a new sexy dress. And face the world, sweetie, face the world! All the best!

Echloe said...

I'm sure getting your hair done will cheer you up some. It always works for me. And I've been feeling like a blob too. I have no motivation to work out when undergoing surgeries and treatments and crap. And if I don't work out I basically get fat. So I'm fat. We can be chubs together with great hair.

Heavy heart said...

Yes..a little spring is definitely needed at times like this! Glad you have your own spring-springer! :) (like over eating, bad jokes is another sideeffect of IF)

Anonymous said...

Hi Dora, I just wanted to say hello and tell you how glad I am that I found your blog...not only do I completely relate to the emotional eating, but I've been looking for blogs that resemble my "situation". I'm 39, not too far behind you, an SMC wannabe who is planning her first diui next month. I know, I'm still an "infant" in the whole SMC journey, but you gotta start somewhere, right? About a year ago I went through 4 months of home insemination, ivi, to no avail, took time off to lose weight (40 lbs so far) and...here I am. It's just reassuring that there are other potential SMC's out there who aren't in their 20's or 30's anymore. I hate how solitary and scary it all is. Anyway, I'm glad you're here. :)
~Heather

Dora said...

Thanks, everyone. Maybe a photo of the back!

Welcome Heather. In my experience, most SMCs and trying to be SMCs are over 35. Most single mothers under 35 that I meet just got pg, you know, from sex! Pull up a chair. Did you bring chocolate?

Cara said...

Chocolate really is a legal drug and I don't see any harm in overusing it.

Thanks so much for visiting this morning.

xoxo

Billy said...

~hugs~
Such a journey.

And go bring some spring, you sure desrve to treat yourdelf, and Larry seems like the one to do it!

Melody said...

A little Spring right now sounds perfect. Thank goddess for the Larrys of this world.

jodie38 said...

Spruce away darling. Absolutely - because YOU'RE worth it!! And eat all the damn chocolate and carbs you want for the time being - this IF stuff sucks butt. Now ain't the time to beat yourself up. The scale has never really been my friend (I don't think I'd ever trust anyone who likes getting on a scale), and I mess with them as little as possible....

'Tis the season for parties and stupid, stupid comments. Planning on bailing on a few myself for the very same reasons. Totally hear you.

Take care of yourself, Dora....

battynurse said...

Oh yes, the joys of emotional eating. My fav is cookies and ice cream. But anything with sugar will usually do. Cupcakes are a big one lately too.
I hear you about the party. I've been invited to a staff christmas party on Saturday and while I know it's a great chance to get to meet my coworkers I can't seem to think of anything that I really want to do less.

Mo and Will said...

Dora

I've been thinking of you out here somewhere in the greater NYC area - hoping you're hanging in.

And as for emotional eating, I've been doing a lot of it too. I too am feeling like bagging social events of late - building christmas party is tonight and I've actually spent major time trying to figure out how i can sneak up to my apartment and avoid the whole thing.

glad you're taking care of yourself. a good set of highlights sounds like just the thing! Thank goodness for Larry, indeed!

Anyway, thinking of you from one NYCer to another.

Mo

Another Dreamer said...

Sorry for how you're feeling!

I think you should get your hair done, you could use a little pampering.

Wishing 4 One said...

I wish Larry was in Cairo.... ask him if he'd come? I'd get a bunch of us together and we'd even take him to the pyramids after. Seriously, hope you get to feeling better soon girl. xoxoxoxo