Monday, October 6, 2008

My first single moms by choice event - An update

Well, I went to my first single moms by choice event on Saturday. I missed the first hour and a half because of my aching head. But a chunk of that was about estate planning, etc. as a single mom. My concerns are more immediate right now. I’ve been feeling so crappy and weepy, I was worried about keeping my emotions in check. At first it wasn’t easy. I heard one woman say something to someone about how many weeks along she was, and I immediately walked in the other direction. Babies I’m okay with, bellies are hard. Then I started talking to a couple of women who aren’t quite as far along in the TTC process as I am. We clicked and I was fine.

Got some delicious baby love from a extremely happy 6 month old boy. His mom was happy to pass him around, and she got to go to the bathroom by herself! We snuggled and smiled at each other. I sniffed the soft back of his neck like a junkie. At one point he got a good grip on my glasses. OMG, the teeny fingerprints! The hard part was giving him back.

Some good single mom parenting tips I got. 1. Don’t be a martyr. Ask for help. 2. Go places the first year, when babies are quite portable. 3. My child’s comfort level with his/her conception story will reflect my comfort level. We will be a unique, but normal family.

It was great to be in a roomful of women who get it. No big explanations needed. No one said, “Why don’t you just …” It felt good to be able to pass on important info to women beginning to TTC about REs and how to be a smart consumer of this healthcare, instead of allowing the RE to call all the shots. Funny, I connected with 3 women with the same first name. I think of them as the B&Es, depending on whether you use a nickname or their full first name. One of is a woman in her 40s who has been afraid of IVF, even though her RE is advising her that it really is her best chance. She’s never had any surgery and is really afraid of the egg retrieval. Particularly afraid of going through it alone. B, if you’re reading, I meant it when I said I would go with you. No one should have to deal with that alone. I understand it can be hard to ask someone. The only thing I ask in return is that you do something for someone else. Pay it forward is my mantra lately.

3 comments:

Jo said...

Thanks for the update on this! I really wish I could've made this event. Sounds like it was a success--would have been nice to see so many in the same room who get it...

Cassandra said...

Good for you for sticking it out. Glad that you were able to connect to several others!

Kristin said...

It sounds like a fabulous event. I'm glad you found some people you connect with.