Tired and hurting

I haven’t written lately because I’ve been feeling like crap. (I wonder how often “crap” comes up on Mel’s searchable blog roll!) I generally carry a lot of tension in my neck and shoulders, add in some herniated discs in my neck, plus all the stress lately, and I’ve had a whopper of a headache at the base of my skull on and off for weeks now. I’m exhausted. I spent a lot of time during my weekend away soaking in the tub and just lounging. (It was REALLY muggy in DC last weekend. I would go out to do things and would quickly have my energy drained by the pea soup air.) I even splurged on a 25 minute neck and shoulder massage at the hotel spa. Pretty good for $50, but the relief is so temporary. Wednesday I was so desperate I started hunting for a chiropractor who would accept my insurance. (Re chiros, I’ve been reluctant to do this, because my mother is paranoid about chiros. She thinks you could wind up paralyzed from an adjustment. My experience with them has been so so. I’ve had better experiences with massage therapy, but insurance won’t pay for that, damn it!) I stumbled on one who is the first and only chiro affiliated with a well known orthopedic hospital. He was able to see me after work Wednesday, and I did get some relief, but it was temporary. I go back next Wednesday.

I’m sooooo tired. My emotions are all over the place. It’s such a vicious circle, all interconnected. Since this cycle was cancelled, I’m not cutting back on caffeine right now, but I’m still barely getting by. My review at work is coming up in November and I need to be more on the ball. I need this job! Maybe I’m mistaken, but somehow sleep deprivation from a baby sounds like a walk in the park compared to this pain and exhaustion from stress. Even if I’m a walking zombie with a newborn, I expect there will be moments of sheer bliss. There’s no bliss now.

I got together with a friend last Saturday. We talked about everything. At one point he said I sounded like I was well adjusted with all this. I don’t feel like it. I don’t feel like I’m coping well. I feel like I’m hanging on by my fingernails. (At least the prenatal vitamins are making my nails strong!)

If anyone has any (low cost) suggestions for dealing with this stress and exhaustion, I would love to hear it. Retail therapy is out for the moment.