Monday, October 27, 2008

Sad update

Sorry to keep you all waiting for an update. The last few days have been emotionally difficult and I just wasn’t able to write it all out.

Well, she returned my call Friday evening. She left me a voice mail, as I was in a noisy bar/restaurant hanging out with the cutest 7 month old and didn’t hear my phone (I’ll post about that later, with pics!). She apologized for taking so long to respond to the email from over a week earlier and said that she is talking to other women as well, and is not ready to move forward with donating her embryos right now. I had been getting that feeling. Really feeling down about this. I don’t know how open couples will be about donating to a single woman. (Although, really, donating to a couple does not guarantee the child will be raised in an intact 2 parent home. I can guarantee my child will not have to deal with any sort of custody battle.) I guess I was just hoping that the way we connected was just so fateful, and that my search for an open embryo donation situation would be short.

Nothing about this crap is easy.

Meanwhile, I surged on Friday (day 30!), so went to my friend’s to try our first home insem. Interesting experience! The chances of it working are so slim that I’m not even allowing myself a little hope. I just figured that if we were a couple and not cycling this month, we’d try some baby dancing at the right time, so why not.

Questions for those of you who considered donating your extra frozen embryos (whether you actually had extra or not): Would you have considered donating to a single woman? Why, or why not? What kind of information would you want from her?


Cara said...

Oh Dora - (huge sigh) This is sad news. I'm still holding hope that this experience was the first step towards the right one! Big Hugs!

Billy said...

I'm so sorry to hear. Sad to hear how she let your (and obviously other lady's) hopes go high, only to rethink her donation. Well I think at least you can be assure thqt it's not because of you aiming to become a single mum.

And I am going to cross my fingers for a successful insem. However low the odds are, they are still odds..

HereWeGoAJen said...

I'm so sorry. That sucks. I hope you get better news soon.

Michelle said...

Oh no. I am so sorry! That just really sucks.

Deb said...

I'm sorry that this situation doesn't look like it will pan out. Sending good thoughts for your home insem.

Niki said...

Dora, I am so sorry my dear! This is very, very sad news. Although this woman wasn't the one, I am hoping that the perfect person is in your future. ((HUGS))

To answer your question: If we were planning to donate our embryos(dh is adamant that he doesn't want to donate our embryos to anyone other than science), I would be willing to give our embryos to a single mom. I do not think that being a good parent has anything to do with being married. I have a very close friend who chose to become a single mom and she is an amazing mom! She does all that she can to find positive male role models in family members for her son. Like I said I am very hopeful that you will find that perfect someone who wants to help you make your dreams come true!

Kristin said...

I'm so sorry Dora. I was really hoping this was it for you. {{{Hugs}}}

Meg said...

I'm sorry the donation didn't work out. I'm hoping that the next time is your time.

Anonymous said...

Hi, I have a frozen embryo that would consider donating. I do not plan on having more children. let me know if you need any assistance.

Dora said...

To the anonymous commenter. Please email me. Just your comment here gives me hope, but I would very much like to talk to you.

Thank you for even considering this.

Anonymous said...

I hope the anonymous commenter hooks up with you! I'm so sorry the other fell through.

I think (not actually knowing) I would be open to a single mom; I guess I would want to know she was dedicated to her role as mother (before career), but also that there was a good source of income. Might help to know if there were close family (uncles, aunts grandparents...) just for the mother's support group. Of course I'd like to know this about a couple too!

Jessica White said...

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope that better news is right around the corner for you.


Anonymous said...

So sorry this opportunity didn't work out.

I have 10 frozen embryos leftover and when the time comes, I would have no reservations about donating them to a single woman.

I wish you luck.

Anonymous said...

oh fuck. I am so so sorry.
The other side of this is that single women that want to donate their embryos usually can't at many clinics. The clinic I went to would only allow me to donate to science or have them destroyed. Their reasoning was that since I used anonymous sperm I would not be able to get the "other donor's" consent and that it could get "messy".
However- I know that this clinic DOES accept single women into their donor embryo program looking to be on the receiving in.
I just hate that you went through so much angst, sweetie. That just blows.

I Believe in Miracles said...

I am so sorry. I cannot even imagine the heartach you are feeling right now.

Anonymous said...

Oh shit. That just sucks. I'm just so sorry.... if I were lucky enough to have extras, I wouldn't hesitate to donate them to pretty much anyone. Gay couple, single parent, whatever. You're so right - not one aspect of this is easy. Some days I can handle it, some days I have to handle it with a bottle of wine in one hand and a straw in the other.

Fingers crossed for a break in the clouds soon!!

Shinejil said...

Argh! I'm sorry you had to get this response, and in the way you got it.

I personally would have no problem donating embies to a single gal. Why? My husband was raised by a single mom and he's great. I myself considered finding a way to get knocked up when I couldn't find the right partner and decided I wanted to have a child. So I empathize and I know that single parent households can function happily.

Anonymous said...


I know that this post is a few days old, but I wanted to respond to this questions. I am registered on a site called Miracles Waiting and a woman who is donating her embryos has specified that she wants them to go to a single mom. She, herself, is a single mom and wants the embryos to go to another woman in the same situation.
Let me know if you would like more information.
missyconception (at) gmail (dot) com