It was just a little thing, but it tore me apart

I love babies and children. I’ve never understood people who say they never particularly liked kids, but felt differently about their own. I’m also one of those people who starts conversations with strangers on the subway, on line at the grocery, etc. So, of course I chat up children, or with babies I make faces and wave. I’m kind of a toddler whisperer in these situations. I’ve gotten howling toddlers to stop crying by distracting them, with much gratitude from the parents. There have actually been a couple of occasions when the little one has tried to climb onto my lap on the subway. I’m not one of those infertiles who can’t emotionally handle being around them.

So what happened this morning caught me off guard. I was walking to the subway and saw a mother with two girls walking towards me. I’d guess the girls to be about 5 and 7. The older one had some clown makeup on. The little one was skipping along between them with the most joyful grin on her face. As I was about to pass them I said, “What a happy girl!” I didn’t think her grin could get bigger, but it did. Mom and sister gave me big smiles, too. We continued on our respective ways, but I lost it. I started crying. All day today, when I think of it, I get teary.

Where’s my joy?